Effulgent
by NaeryxOblivion
Summary: This letter is not meant for him, but there's no one else here to read it. "Life is more fair than we can ever imagine if we are there to live it." /SoKai/ /AkuRoku/ /some Namiku/ /NOT RoxKai/
1. Still All You

_E F F U L G E N T_

Prompt: "'Don't worry. You're still all you.'"

Pairings: Implied SoKai and mentions of AkuRoku.

Warnings: None.

Rating: K+/T

Kairi cannot remember when she has last been quite as angry as she is in this moment.

It could, quite possibly, have something to do with the fact that Namine is just as pissed as she is.

"Don't worry. You're still all you."

She knows, really, that Riku cannot be expected to say anything different. DiZ—Ansem—taught him to believe that Roxas was nothing more than a shadow of Sora, that he could and would never be his own person. And Riku has been in the darkness long enough to have an excuse to think Roxas is nothing.

But _still_. It is one of the most callous things he has ever said, because Kairi can _see _ Roxas wilt behind Sora's eyes. And she knows, suddenly, exactly why Axel was so determined to find Roxas, exactly _why_ the look in the other redhead's eyes had echoed the pain in her own. She knows that Roxas is about as hurt as he can be, because Riku has just confirmed all of his fears…

Because Sora doesn't love Axel's Somebody, and if all that is inside Sora right now is just echoes of him, if he's still "all Sora," that means that Roxas never truly loved Axel at all.

And Kairi feels her own heart break in sympathy.

--

About a day after Sora gets back to the Islands, he and Kairi are sitting on a bluff overlooking the ocean. "Sora…" she says slowly, hesitantly. "Can I talk to you?"

"Why wouldn't you be able to?" Sora asks with a confused smile.

She sighs. "It's about… well, Roxas." Sora nods for her to go on. "It's just… it's not true, what Riku told you. You're not… you're not all you. Well, you are, but…" She bites her lip, unsure of how to continue. "The thing is… you survived without Roxas, and you were fine. I mean, you even fought Xehanort's Heartless, and you beat him! So.. Roxas makes you whole, but you can live without him. I think… I think it might be because I brought you back from—from being a Heartless. In Hollow Bastion, I mean. And Sora… when you were managing on your own, Roxas was too. And—and he made his own friends, and he had his own life, and he fell in love on his own."

"Namine?" Sora said with a frown. "I didn't think…"

"No, Sora," she says softly. "Axel. That's why he was so hell-bent on finding him. They loved each other. They _love_ each other still. And Sora, that's why…" She trailed off, and sighed again, looking off into the distance.

"That's why what Riku said was so horrible. Because—because _you're_ not in love with _Axel's Somebody_—you've probably never even met him. I mean, he's probably a Heartless right now. And if you're not in love with Axel's Somebody, and Roxas is just a part of you…"

"It would mean that Roxas wasn't in love with Axel," Sora says, finally putting the pieces together with widening eyes. "But… I mean, he is, isn't he? He loves Axel. That makes… a lot of sense. Oh…" He trails off, hand on his heart, and tears suddenly in his eyes. He's not sure if they're Roxas' or his own.

"Oh Roxas," he says softly. "I'm so sorry."

And it's with a heavy heart that Sora puts his hand over Kairi's in the sand, because he understands now that someone inside of him is crying every time he looks at Kairi with that special sort of longing.

_fin_

AN: Well, this is my belated birthday present to myself. :) This is going to be a series of oneshots and drabbles to get my creative juices flowing.

And honestly, who didn't get totally pissed off when they realized just what Riku had said? .

Also, because I have a tendency to use obscure words for titles: _effulgent _means _glowingly beautiful_.

Full-Fic Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts belongs to Disney and Square Enix, and I, to my great depression, own no part of it. –cries miserably--

_--Naeryx--_


	2. Zephyr

_E F F U L G E N T_

Prompt: Alphabetical sentence drabbles.

Pairings: Sokai, Akuroku, some Namiku (because Gray-Rain Skies inadvertently requested it .).

Warnings: Some AU, some canon.

Rating: K+/T

_animosity: _Sora hates Xemnas for abusing the hearts he has no choice but to release; Roxas hates Xemnas for forcing Axel to make a choice he knows tore at his lover's heartstrings.

_beautiful: _As horribly cheesy as it is, Axel cannot help but admit that Roxas looks utterly beautiful under the light of the heart-shaped moon.

_carry: _Roxas always protests that he can do everything on his own; he doesn't understand that Axel will always want to carry his burdens just because he loves him.

_denied: _Leon regularly denies that he's related to Sora and Cloud regularly denies he's related to Roxas, but the two cousins regularly claim to be brothers so it all evens out.

_ethereal: _She's something else entirely, something more than this world, and Sora is always afraid that one day she'll realize she's so much more than him and slip through his fingers.

_faith: _She waits by the beach every day, even when she can't remember his name, even when she's not sure if he exists, just because she knows he made a promise and that he's coming back.

_guarded: _He always closes himself off, to try and protect himself from feeling; Namine always wakes up afraid that this is the day he'll close off from her.

_haunted: _Watching Roxas fight is like watching a living ghost of Sora, and Riku has never felt more haunted than he does in this moment.

_imaginary: _If Nobodies are nothing more than figments of reality, Axel reflects, it shouldn't hurt so badly when Roxas leaves.

_jolt: _The first time he sees her, it's like a bolt of electricity has passed through his skin; she's blonde-haired innocence in a white dress, and he finds himself drawn to her despite the darkness surrounding him.

_kiss: _It's nothing more than a mockery of a kiss, because Axel needs Roxas and Kairi needs Sora and they figure that maybe drowning their pain for just a moment will let them forget.

_living: _The hardest part about going into battle is surviving, especially when your friends don't.

_macabre: _Sora loves graveyards in spite of himself; he reads the epitaphs and wonders what people will have to say about _him_ once he's dead and gone.

_nocturnal: _The nightmares keep him awake at night, and the Keyblade Wielder never sleeps anymore.

_oblivion: _All he wants is an oblivion of memories, for the redhead's voice and touch and presence to leave him so that he can somehow manage to live now that he's gone.

_perilous: _It's dangerous, it's stupid, but it's the only thing keeping Riku grounded, and somehow he thinks Namine feels the same way.

_quarrel: _After he and DiZ get into fights over what to do about Roxas, it's Namine that sits with him and listens attentively, and he owes her so much for it.

_reminisce: _She sits on the beach and thinks about three innocent children, dreaming of rafts and paoupus and races and other worlds, and wonders when that innocence began to wither away.

_sobs: _When Roxas leaves, Axel strides into his room and breaks into a flurry of fire, screaming in an agony that's almost physical as he destroys his few possessions; when he finally burns himself out, he collapses to the floor and begins to cry.

_territory: _Riku has always been a possessive person, and when Namine starts to go see Roxas in the fake Twilight Town he finds himself filled with a righteous burning fury; when he confronts her about it, she just laughs, and tells him that Roxas is about as straight as a circle.

_umbrella: _The first time he sees her she's walking down the street under a bright orange umbrella that clashes horribly with rose-red hair; he laughs, and she turns to smile at him, and he falls in love.

_vindicated: _Somehow, Kairi's love and absolute trust wash away all of the horrible things he's done in the name of the light.

_wishing: _Kairi goes with Axel—not because she couldn't fight back, but because she is sick and tired of waiting and wishing for Sora and Riku to come home.

_xylophone: _Axel knew that Demyx played just about every instrument, but he still blinked openmouthed for a good five minutes straight when he began to play his xylophone.

_yellow: _If Kairi was a color, Sora decides, she'd be yellow; beautiful and vibrant, with more empathy than you can imagine and some unknown quality that draws you in more than you knew was possible.

_zephyr: _The wind is blowing across the ocean, and Riku, Kairi, and Sora have finally gone to sea in a sailing ship, vanishing forever into the sunset.

_-fin-_

AN: So I did this by listing out the first word I thought of for every letter in the alphabet. It was actually spectacularly fun; I highly recommend it as an anti-boredom tool.

Also, if any of these drabbles confused you (you weren't sure who the characters were, or you didn't get the references, or whatever), let me know, and I'll be happy to explain to you.

This chapter's for everyone who was nice enough to review (The FoxGirlKitsune, Gray-Rain Skies, A Spot of Bother, and Arami Heartilly (--hugs--)), and especially to A Spot of Bother, for taking time to read not just one, but all three fics of a random reviewer… and then add said author to their author alerts and two of said stories to their favorites list. –dies—THANK YOU:)

_--Naeryx--_


	3. Awakening

_E F F U L G E N T_

Prompt: When he wakes, he can't remember; but when he sleeps, it's all there.

Pairings: Implied AkuRoku.

Warnings: None.

Rating: K+/T

When he's asleep, he remembers.

When he dreams, he walks through memories of red hair and green eyes and black cloaks, standing so close to each other you couldn't see where the light ended and the fire began. He sees tears and hope and fights and kisses _warmth _and _love_, and all he knows is the pain of loss.

But he would rather know his loss than not remember it at all.

Because every morning, he can feel himself slipping into awakening. Memories disappear one by one, and he can't tell what he's missing but he knows that the one thing that means the most to him is gone, and he can't bear it. The last thing to leave him is always the warmth and the face—the beautiful green eyes smiling at him and the trails of heat across his body fade away, until the only thing left is an empty shell.

Roxas opens his eyes.

He always wakes up with tears on his cheeks, and he always wakes up cold.

_-fin-_

AN: Well, this is a short one to say I'm still alive… I've been at camp for two weeks, and my best friend was staying with me for the two weeks before that, so I haven't really had computer access. Anyway…

I love all reviewers!

_--Naeryx--_


	4. More Fair

_E F F U L G E N T_

Prompt: "More Fair," Brian Andreas.

Pairings: Akuroku

Warnings: None.

Rating: K+

There is an inscription on the back of the photograph.

_They left me_

_with your shadow,_

_saying things like_

_Life is not fair_

_& I believed them_

_for a long time._

_But today,_

_I remembered_

_the way you laughed_

_& the heat_

_of your hand_

_in mine_

_& I knew that_

_life is more fair_

_than we can_

_ever imagine_

_if_

_we are there to live it_

The picture is old and crumpled and yellowing, and the spidery handwriting spreads across the reverse with crooked loops and spiky lines. He pulls it out from the bottle it's washed ashore in, painstakingly unrolls it. He reads the inscription first, carefully, runs his finger across the words and commits each and every one to memory. (An old habit, but no matter how untrustworthy memories may be these days, he cannot seem to shake it.) It's familiar. He knows he's never seen the words before in his life—no fingers along the back of his neck alert him to the deja-vu sensation of memories gone missing—but the handwriting is that of a ghost, painstakingly written out by long, pale, elegant fingers he will never see again.

(This letter is not meant for him, but there's no one else here to read it.)

Once the words are trapped in his mind, once he knows that only outside interference will be able to make them leave, he takes a deep breath, pauses for a moment. He knows, to some extent, what he will find on the other side of the stiff paper, and he's not entirely sure he wants to see it. But there's no other alternative.

(This picture is not for him, but there's no one else here to see it.)

"I hope you're there," he whispers. "I hope you can see this, Roxas."

Sora flips the picture over, and his breath hitches in his throat.

He doesn't know who captured the image. It doesn't really matter. What does matter is that somewhere, the heart that's not all his is breaking.

The picture (old and crumpled and yellowing) is of two figures, taken from behind. They sit atop some sort of balcony—_a clock_, a voice inside supplies—with their feet dangling over the edge. One is tall and stick-thin, a mane of red hair falling lazily over shoulders tensed up with pent-up laughter, head thrown back so far the viewfinder can almost see the tiny green diamonds adorning his cheeks. The other is shorter, stockier but still lithe, spiky blond hair blowing in the wind. He's turned halfway to look at the redhead, and his mouth is partially open (in a laugh or a wry comment, it's impossible to tell). But it's not his laugh or his hair or his pose or his smile that catches Sora's attention, forces him to pause in wonder; it's his eyes. The blond's eyes are alight with something akin to wonder, and hope: something fluid and weightless and softer than could possibly be imagined.

Something akin to love.

"Axel," he whispers, and he's not sure if it's him or Roxas that's speaking, but the single word reduces him to tears.

AN: So, I am still alive... This oneshot was prompted by re-reading a short story by Brian Andreas called "More Fair"--that's what the note on the back of the photograph is, the part in italics. You can read all of his amazing work at www. storypeople. com. It was totally a perspective I could see Axel having, and I was in a fic kind of mood, so this happened. :)

_--Naeryx--_


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